


Poor Life Choices

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Cunnilingus, F/M, FTM Dave, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Other, Sadstuck, Strap-Ons, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Trans Character, Trans Dave, Trans Male Character, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:27:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’ve lost control of the situation. This is no longer about Terezi and Gamzee’s clearly ill-fated kismessitude, but rather about some feelings for Dave you have done such a good job of ignoring and clearly not quite so good of a job of hiding. It only adds insult to injury that the way Terezi smiles confidently and ever-so-slightly cruelly gets to you as well, reminding you yet again of everything you love and hate about her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the tags! Sadstuck and unhappy are unrelated to Dave being trans, by the way.

CG: LOOK, I'VE SEEN THE WAY SHE STILL LOOKS AT YOU  
TG: shes blind dumbass  
CG: FINE. I'VE SEEN THE WAY THAT SHE SNIFFS AT YOU.  
CG: THAT JUST SOUNDS CREEPY.  
TG: so youre closely examining lady nostrils now  
TG: watching for the slightest dilation or twitch  
TG: any stray intake of breath  
TG: to determine its deep romantic meaning  
TG: karkat vantas: nostril whisperer  
CG: HA. HA.  
CG: YES YOU’VE FIGURED IT OUT. THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME WANTING TO STICK MY TINY ALIEN BULGE INTO HER NOSTRILS.  
TG: ok you just took it a weirder place than i was going  
TG: but thats cool if thats what youre into  
CG: I WAS MORE AIMING TO GET YOU TO SHUT THE HELL UP SO WE CAN GET BACK TO THE POINT.  
TG: what point  
CG: WE ARE *TRYING* TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT HER AND GAMZEE.  
TG: youre trying to figure that out  
TG: im just getting ranted out  
TG: seriously whatre you suggesting we do  
TG: just walk up to her and go “hey we know youre down with the clown and were kinda worried so quit that shit out k thanks”  
CG: DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA, GENIUS?  
TG: yeah  
TG: stay the fuck out of her beeswax  
TG: i know you want to be crawling all over that and sticking your head in where it doesnt belong but youre just going to get a fuckton of stinging terezi sass and no honey for your pisspoor efforts  
CG: FOR ALL YOUR TOUGH GUY ACT I KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE IN STILL CARING ABOUT HER.  
TG: you got me  
TG: i care about her so clearly the only solution is to team up  
TG: lets start a league of evil exes  
TG: dedicated to never letting her date anyone else because were whiny little bitches  
TG: sorry but im not qualified to found this organization with you  
TG: on account of not being a whiny little bitch  
CG: STOP PURPOSEFULLY MISUNDERSTANDING ME!  
CG: I'M NOT TELLING HER TO NOT DATE ANYONE ELSE. I JUST THINK SHE'S MAKING A DANGEROUS MISTAKE.  
CG: AND I STILL CARE ABOUT HER. AS A FRIEND.  
TG: and as a whiny ex boyfriend  
CG: YES, LET'S USE OUR FAILED ATTEMPTS AT RELATIONSHIPS WITH HER AS A GREAT EXCUSE TO BROOD INSTEAD OF MATURELY EXPRESSING OUR CONCERN TO HER REGARDING HER RECENT POOR LIFE CHOICES.  
CG: THAT'S DEFINITELY THE HIGH ROAD HERE.  
TG: wtf do you want me to do  
CG: I'LL DO MOST OF THE TALKING.  
TG: dont you always  
CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT ALWAYS.  
CG: YOU'VE PROVED YOURSELF PLENTY CAPABLE OF PROVIDING A NEVER-ENDING SUPPLY OF SNIDE REMARKS.  
TG: glad to do my part bro  
CG: I THINK YOUR PRESENCE WILL MEAN A LOT.  
TG: yeah itll mean youre too chickenshit to go talk to her alone

For all his claims of not wanting to get involved, Dave nevertheless shows up to join you when you tell him you’ve got Terezi alone in the computer lab a few days later. Of course, he doesn't offer any back-up, just stands a pace behind you with his hands shoved in his stupid knight pajama pockets when you get to the blood pusher of the matter.

“Look, we both know what you've gotten yourself into with Gamzee,” you say. “I'm just – we're just – concerned.”

Terezi's expression darkens for a moment, but it doesn’t last. She pulls herself back together quickly, and you’d admire her composure if you weren’t so serious about the situation.

“How long have you known?” she asks, her tone not quite sincere in its nonchalance.

“Only a few days, why?” you reply. “That’s not important; it’s just-”

“What’s important then?” she asks, adjusting her posture slightly, straightening and spinning her cane a bit. It’s bravado, an obvious defense mechanism, and the thin line of her pursed lips suddenly twists upwards, though you can’t imagine why she’d be amused by this. Before you can question her entertainment, she continues, “Why are you so serious about this? Are you jealous, Karkat? You've clearly got your caliginous quadrant filled.”

It takes you a second to process just what she means, but you sputter indignantly. “No, I am not caliginous with him! If anything, it's been leaning pale, but you and I both know they don't do quadrants-”

“I can assure you there's no interspecies hate-macking happening on this meteor, unless Rose's relationship with Kanaya is getting freakier than I thought,” Dave says. “Despite Karkat here having the hots for me.”

“I do not have the hots for you,” you spit, turning to glare at Dave. It's only a little bit of a lie.

“Says the guy who can't keep his hands off my cape and wanted me to caress his cheek to make some point about dream bubbles.”

“You imbecile, how is caressing someone's cheek at all concupiscent?”

“For someone who watches as many human romcoms as you do, you've still missed some key cultural differences,” Dave says, keeping a straight face as you glower at him. “Were you too busy sobbing at their beauty to pick up on those subtleties? Or maybe jacking off at the hot human dudes, since we've established that's your type.”

“Nah, I think you're just special,” Terezi cackles.

“Shut the fuck up, Strider,” you bark at him, cheeks flushing. You can’t believe the two of them are teaming up; this is not at all what’s supposed to happen. “You are fucking useless! Why the fuck did I ask you to come along?”

“Because you talk a big game but couldn’t actually get the courage to do it alone,” answers Dave. “That or you get lonely going anywhere without me.”

“What sort of shitcake-eating numbnut was I for ever thinking you might be anything but a hindrance to this?” you say, taking a step closer. You’re furious, and you don’t know what the hell you’re going to do because you want to slap him but you know Terezi is still watching and this was supposed to be about her shitty caliginous relationship, not your vaguely-caliginous simmering feelings for Dave, which are not and will never be relevant to this or any other fucking situation.

“You know, Karkat, you really aren’t disproving my assertion about your current quadrant status. You simply keep providing evidence to fuel the prosecution’s case!”

“Yeah, I sometimes get bored and space out during trashy romance novel storytime with Karkat, but I’ve gathered enough to know you’re definitely coming onto me in spades. Next thing I know, you’re going to be kissing me and I’m gonna have to beat you off with my sword except that’s only gonna egg you on because knowing you freaky trolls, you’re a masochist too.”

“Dave’s right,” Terezi adds gleefully. “The only logical next step is for you to kiss him.”

You’ve lost control of the situation. This is no longer about Terezi and Gamzee’s clearly ill-fated kismessitude, but rather about some feelings for Dave you have done such a good job of ignoring and clearly not quite so good of a job of hiding. It only adds insult to injury that the way Terezi smiles confidently and ever-so-slightly cruelly gets to you as well, reminding you yet again of everything you love and hate about her.

You turn back to Dave and the look on his face is bordering on amused, like he’s waiting to ramp this up another few notches before admitting you’re hilarious when furious. Like he doesn’t think you would actually do anything because _youre too chickenshit_ and you close in on him and he doesn’t fucking budge though he does twitch like you actually did fucking catch him by surprise when your mouth collides with his.

You can _hear_ Terezi sniff and take a step closer as you taste Dave’s lips. He doesn’t fight you, but he’s either too shocked or too repulsed to reciprocate. Before you have more than a second to think about what a fucking mistake you’ve made, your thought process is cut short by the feel of Terezi’s arms wrapping around your waist. You pull away and are promptly spun around.

“But Gamzee,” you squeak, in a desperate attempt to distract from what you just did and focus on what you should be doing. Your cheeks flush as you realize how blatantly your voice gives away that you’re nervous, jumping half a fucking octave when you spoke, because you definitely needed one more embarrassment right now.

“We’re black, so this is perfectly within the rules.” She’s purposefully misunderstanding you, but you can’t bring yourself to correct her because she’s tilting her head down. You straighten up and turn up to meet her, closing the small but undeniable height gap between you. You should correct her, but you don’t want to correct her; you want to kiss her. You don’t have to. She does it for you. Her lips are fuller and softer than Dave’s, and she squeezes your hips as she flicks her tongue out hungrily.

The kiss ends more abruptly than you expect, and you immediately look behind you. It must be something to do with Dave, you realize with an uncomfortable feeling, and indeed, he’s taken a step back, and looks like he feels acutely out of place.

“Dave, where do you think you’re going?” Terezi asks before you have a chance to articulate a more colorful version of the same inquiry.

“Vantas never warned me that intervening with a friend’s shitty quadrant choices would devolve into an interspecies threeway.”

Your blood pusher leaps into your throat, but thankfully Terezi’s attention is focused on the human so you can hope she misses your expression. A threeway? What the actual fuck? That wasn’t at all what you were going for, not something you ever _seriously_ considered and even if you had it wouldn’t be relevant to this, obviously. Wait. No. It’s Dave; he’s kidding. The asswipe purposefully misreads _everything_ related to troll romance.

“Is that concern I hear in your voice, cool kid?” Terezi asks him. Your heart flips again at how deadpan she is. You are /not/ taking anything that comes out of her mouth as any actual suggestion of possibility.

“If you’re questioning my -”

“Also, no one mentioned a threesome,” she interrupts. “Your imagination is really getting carried away.” Terezi’s eyebrows lower conspiratorially as her grin widens. “Not that the court has an objection.”

The human’s gaze moves from Terezi to you, and you try to scowl because he’s just as guilty as she is for this all going assbackwards, but you think you fail. Dave’s expression softens slightly and you’re struck by a pang of desire.

God fucking damn it.

“Well, however the fuck this conversation is going to go down, our fearless leader planned poorly by thinking we should have it in the common area,” Dave says. “Can you imagine if Rose and Kanaya walked in on this? We’d never live it down.”

“I picked a neutral meeting place for this emotionally charged conversation, you shitstain!” you bark.

“Mmm, charged,” Terezi repeats unhelpfully, licking her lips. “I can positively taste the tension in the air.”

“And where do you geniuses suggest we go?” you ask, sounding especially irritable to disguise the serious case of nerves currently afflicting you.

“Follow me!” Terezi replies, grabbing one of your hands and one of Dave’s. At first you think he might shake her off, but no, he follows. A few steps along the way, you catch him squeezing her hand. The way he looks at her, you _know_ he hasn’t really let go of her. Then again, neither have you. You two can lie to each other, but not to yourselves. And, apparently, not to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Terezi's respiteblock is big, and you notice that in addition to her recuperacoon, there's a large bed. The sheets are neatly made and there are a couple of scalemates on it, but as you get closer, you spot a few drops of purple splattered on the white-and-rainbow cover. Your stomach turns over and for a second you just want to run out of the room. But you look back to Terezi, who’s grinning madly at you and Dave. She squeezes your hand and, you can guess from their reactions, Dave's too. For one sick moment you aren't sure if you're jealous of her or of Dave. You shake the thought out of your head.

As Terezi kicks off her shoes and sits on the edge of the bed, you realize this is it. Something is going to happen. You came into this conversation with a purpose, but Terezi - with unwitting help from Dave - has hijacked it into something entirely different. You’d be more pissed about it if you weren’t a mess with desire and nerves that you’re desperately fighting to not show.

Wait, no, you should get back on track. You should do something. Maybe you need to snap Dave out of his awkward, hands-shoved-in-pockets pose to confront Terezi with you. You look to the human and open your mouth, but your eyes fall to his lips, lips that you just kissed a few minutes ago, and your words die in your throat.

Who are you kidding? You’ve lost control. Terezi’s not going to let you steer this ship, and she’s not letting you leave she gets whatever it is that she wants. You can tell by how she beckons both of you, using both of her sharp-nailed hands, that she wants you and she wants Dave, right now. The thought makes your nook ache with need, even as your think pan reviews the million and a half ways this could go wrong.

Belatedly, you realize you're still holding out the hand that Terezi released, and you slowly lower it. You step towards her and glance over to Dave to see if he’s going to do likewise, only to see him pointedly examining the wall.

“For a someone who's so much talk, you get remarkably terse when there's actually shit to do,” you snap at him. You feel a stab of guilt that Dave looks so terribly uncomfortable; you blame yourself for it. You know he still wants Terezi, so obviously it must be your presence that’s making this weird for him. Plus, you kissed him; you’re such an idiot. You may harbor stupid, weak, half-buried caliginous feelings for him, which you should have kept entirely under wraps, but of course he doesn’t feel that way about you.

“Seconded,” cackles Terezi. “I’m terribly disappointed by your lack of witty lines right now. If you’re not going to be clever, you should put your mouth to good use in some other way.”

“Well that right there has some scandalous implications,” Dave replies dryly. “But you’d never ask me to do anything that would violate my poor, virginous sense of propriety, now would you?”

“I don’t know, does kissing an alien boy qualify as a violation of your delicate sensibilities?”

“If it’s done while some alien girl is sniffing at us and jilling off, it might.” When Dave sees Terezi’s mildly confused look he supplies a completely uncalled for list of synonyms. “Whacking off. Rubbing one out. Spanking the monkey. Getting handsy with herself.”

“Well, how could I not get excited watching two beautiful boys who hate each other very much finally getting intimately acquainted with each other’s tongues? But Dave, you’re getting quite ahead of the rest of us here once again, thinking I’d be touching myself as I witnessed this? The way you put it, it almost sounds like you want me to.” Terezi teasingly places a finger on the button of her pants, and you catch Dave’s poker face waver as he flushes slightly.

“I’d like to consult with my lawyer before continuing this line of questioning. I know everything I say here can and will be used against me so you’re gonna have to drag my ass to court rather than questioning me in these sketchy, pseudo-legal circumstances if you want me to say any more on the matter.”

“Your Earth legal system is so quaint. What makes you think I’ll let you consult with your lawyer? Besides, your weak attempts at evasion are useless. The air is thick with your desire.” Terezi licks her lips slowly, with undisguised enjoyment.

“Yeah just thinking about swapping spit with a short, irritable troll is making me hard as fucking diamonds. My dick could drill through concrete right now. It’s a serious occupational hazard for all you aliens lined up to ride the D-Strider; if you get too carried away it’ll jackhammer you in two. I’m not sure any of you are ready for this fucking adamantine rod. It really should come with a warning label. I’d offer you hardhats but that’s not going to offer you any real protection against this baby.”

“Dave.”

“Terezi?”

“Shut up and kiss him already.”

Your eyes meet Dave’s shades hopefully, but he’s not exactly rushing to obey her. Suddenly embarrassed that you thought he actually would do so, you stare aggressively at the viridian rug.

You hear him moving; he must be leaving. You can’t believe he even came to her room in the first place. But no, you see his feet and you feel him coming in towards you. That’s his hand burying into your hair and tilting your face up.

Dave’s lips meet yours for the second time in the last half hour, and a spark lights up your entire body.

You’re strangely aware of how awkward your arms are just hanging there, but you don’t know where to put them. For better or for worse, you don’t have long to consider it, since moments later, Terezi is on her feet, wrapping one arm around each of you.

You and Dave part lips and look to her. There's a dull throb of jealousy when she goes in for him first, tilting her head and just barely poking his cheek with her pointy nose as they figure out the best angle. Terezi's moving fiercely whereas Dave's moves are slightly hesitant. You can tell he's trying to seem cool, but you know him well enough now to see that it's more shyness than calmness when he lets her take control. He places a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it, and you bite your lip. His lack of romantic expertise here is painfully obvious.

Then again, how much can your alleged expertise assist you here? Of the dozens, if not hundreds of romantic comedies you've seen, you can count on one hand how many deal with how to have a threeway interaction with your former potential matesprit and her ex-matesprit who also happens to be your pal and object of some degree of pitch interest. When Terezi ends the kiss to come in for you, you reach out, placing a hand on the back on her head.

Your mind flashes back to your first - and what you also had assumed was your last - kiss with her, what feels like millennia ago. Her tongue is as curious and pointed as you remember it, penetrating your mouth to find your own tongue and tickle it. It's a weird sensation but impossibly erotic as well, the way she licks and pulls back to make you chase her tongue with yours. The way she maneuvers and dances with your tongue, nimbly avoiding her sharp teeth as well as your own, sends a wave of desire all the way down to your nook.

It ends far too soon. You reluctantly release her hair and look back to Dave when she withdraws. Her hands slide up until they rest on the backs of your necks. Dave shrugs, regaining a bit of his blasé attitude. Black feelings flare in you again upon catching a flash of smirk on his lips, and you fist his shirt with both hands and mash your lips against his once again. Terezi makes a lewd noise, something between a whistle and a purr, and you can feel her breath as she leans in. You don't miss the sound of her sniffing, apparently inhaling the scent of you and Dave swapping spit.

“Your passion smells positively intoxicating. It’s like cherries dipped in dark chocolate, the scents of your delicious sweet blood and the subtle but undeniable caliginous desire between you.”

"I'm delighted we can put on a show for you," you snap sarcastically, releasing Dave.

"Good, because I expect that we’re just getting started," she replies with a grin, grabbing the hem of your shirt and slowly lifting it. You inhale sharply; now that you're in her space, she seems to have no hesitation about steering this in the direction she wants. Suddenly, you imagine all three of you naked on her bed; you aren't sure whether the image intimidates you or turns you on. As Terezi lets one finger on each hand lazily scratch your torso as she hikes up your shirt further, sending mild, warm pain through you, you lose your will to resist. You lift your arms and let her pull it off of you.

"You next!" she says excitedly, reaching for Dave.

"Remember what I told you about my chest?" says Dave, not moving his arms.

"Right." Terezi's expression darkens slightly. "Should I leave your shirt alone then?"

"Go ahead and take it off, just don’t mess with the layers underneath it. As much as I know you want to lick every inch of me, a man of my status has gotta draw a few lines."

Terezi nods seriously. You have no idea what the hell they're talking about until she lifts up his shirt and tosses it to the ground. Underneath, he's wearing a white a-shirt and you can see the edges of another white garment under that. Without his god tier top, you see that his chest is slightly curved, and you remember some articles you read on human sexual dimorphism. He must have - what's the term - gynecomastia? It happened amongst trolls occasionally too, but troll women tended to have small chests anyway so the difference was less stark and not one of particular embarrassment - and certainly not one that required special garments. It doesn't seem like the sort of thing to comment on though, considering how seriously Terezi seems to be taking it.

"To bed, both of you!" Terezi commands, waving both of you to said piece of furniture.

You comply and Dave follows. To your surprise, he sits next to you, not quite close enough to touch, but enough so that Terezi can't fit between you two. Or _couldn't_ until she shoves herself between you and Dave anyway, half-sitting on you and crushing your hand under her bony ass.

"Dammit, Terezi, that's my hand!" you exclaim, trying to pull yourself out from under her. Dave scoots over, and you both try to avoid Terezi elbowing you in the face as she positions herself with little regard for the bodily integrity of either of you.

"Oops," she replies, though she doesn't sound at all sorry. "I couldn't tell exactly where you two were. I figured you would make room for me, you doofuses!"

"Our bad," says Dave. "Of course you would want to be in the middle of a Strider-Vantas sandwich."

"This _is_ about me after all," Terezi reminds you half-jokingly. From the way Dave turns his head away slightly, you guess his mind is doing the same as yours, jumping to thoughts of Terezi and Gamzee. He probably feels as uncomfortable about it as you do, if not more so.

She's settled down between you two now, one hand sliding up Dave's back, and the other on your knee. You place one hand on top of hers, marveling how even such casual touch from her hits you in the blood pusher.

Dave turns his head to her and she moves in. Instead of aiming for his lips, she goes for the edge of his jaw, in towards his ear. The angle isn't ideal for you to see precisely what she's doing, but as her tongue comes out, you see how Dave's hand clenches her shirt and he tips his head back in pleasure.

You squeeze her hand. She returns the gesture, still focused on what appears to be tracing the shell of Dave's ear with her tongue.

 _He's hot._ The thought comes to mind suddenly - completely uninvited - but can't be shoved back out. This is it; you've finally admitted it to yourself, and you feel small and vulnerable even though he isn't even paying attention to you right now. His blond hair shines, reflecting the light like a goddamn troll Pantene commercial. The way his fine, long fingers slide down Terezi's thigh to grip her knee makes you envy _her_ for a moment, instead of the other way around. His arms are slender but have undeniable muscle definition. You want to run your hands up those arms and grab his shoulders. You want to make his small mouth open like that, just barely parting his lips, but enough to undeniably mar his usually nonchalant demeanor.

Terezi pulls back from him, and you don't miss how he follows her for an inch before halting and straightening back up. His mouth closes and he reaches to adjust his shades, but Terezi releases his back and snakes her hand out from between yours to make a grab for them too. Her hands land on his and there's a moment of stillness and silence as they stare at each other through two sets of shades. It lingers long enough that you wonder if they're messaging each other with their fancy neural link glasses. The sick heaviness of jealousy is just going to keep coming back to you, isn't it?

Terezi must have said something, as Dave reluctantly unhands his shades. At least this means you won’t have to guess or worry if they’re messaging each other on Trollian any more. Terezi removes them and hands them back to Dave, who tosses them over to land with a quiet clatter on his shirt.

You avert your eyes, wanting to miss whatever stupid, sappy eye-gazing moment they might be having. Whatever it is, it doesn't last long before Terezi's hand is on your bare chest and you look back to her. She places her fingertips on your collarbone and runs them down across your soft excuse for pecs and across the pudgy expanse of your stomach. She's never felt you shirtless before, and you tense up with self-consciousness.

"Relax," she says, poking you in the belly, feeling the tightened muscle beneath the layer of fat.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'll just consciously choose to stop feeling anything less than cool as an ice cube," you snap. It's grumpier than you should be, you know as the words spill out, but you're nervous and you can't just _choose_ to calm down. That's not how emotions work! What you wouldn't give for that to be the case.

"You have my permission to feel hot and bothered as well," Terezi says with a wicked smile.

"How fucking generous-" You would go on, but she cuts you off with her lips, and yeah, kissing her is preferable to ranting. You nearly jump though as her hands move further south and fumble with the button of your pants. You make a startled noise into her mouth, and she responds with an amused one into yours.

Once she has the fly of your pants open, she gives you a parting nibble and ends the kiss.

"As much as I love pants, they no longer serve a purpose here," she announces. "I hereby declare this bed a no-pants zone. Violators will be subject to forcible de-pantsing!"

With that, she unfastens her offending clothing item and wiggles out of them with impressive speed, especially given that she's still sandwiched between you and Dave. You follow suit, and though he seems to be in less of a rush that Terezi, the human complies as well.

“Hmmm,” says Terezi thoughtfully, rubbing her chin.

You and Dave immediately look at each other. It’s strange to make eye contact with him. No, not strange - completely unfamiliar. His eyes are more expressive than the rest of his usually-composed face, brilliant red irises under thick blond lashes. He breaks away quickly to focus on Terezi again and you do likewise.

“What is it?” you ask her a bit impatiently, if only to mask your trepidation.

“Pants removal isn’t sufficient,” she declares. “Dave, I want your boxers off. As a gesture of goodwill, I surrender my shirt.”

Sure enough, she rips off her own shirt - hitting you painfully in the temple with her elbow in the process - but Dave remains perfectly still. Too still, even for him, like he’s been frozen.

“You can leave your package on,” she says to him once her shirt’s on the ground. You have no fucking clue what she’s talking about, but Dave visibly relaxes.

“Packer,” he replies. “But ok. Only if you take your underwear off too. You already got my shirt.”

“You drive such a hard bargain,” she laughs.

It’s dumb and a bit cowardly, but you you scooch the foot or so to the edge of the bed and grab at the comforter. You shouldn’t feel left out so easily, but you do. She’s trying to get more clothes off of him, but not off of you. Does she find him more attractive?

Dave lifts his hips and pulls down his boxers. You sneak a look and promptly do a double-take, because he’s definitely still wearing something. Is this a “packer”? There’s dark fabric over his crotch, covering the unsubtle bulge of his genitalia. It’s not ridiculously exaggerated enough to be a codpiece, but that’s the closest comparison you can find. You want to get a closer look and figure out what exactly it is, but you resist the urge.

Terezi shoos Dave off the bed to pull down the comforter and top sheet, which requires you to stand up as well. Once done, she runs a hand through your hair and gives you a brief but deep kiss before grabbing Dave and doing the same to him. When she pulls her mouth away from his, she leans in to whisper in his ear, and you just barely catch what she says.

“I want to be inside of you.”

He tilts his head down, and you don’t hear the response, but you do hear her quiet cackle followed by, “Of course.”

“Karkat,” she continues, “please proceed to the bed and get yourself comfortable.”

You do so, moving all the way to the other edge to give them plenty of space. There isn’t a headboard, but you do your best (which isn’t very good) to sit near the end of the bed comfortably and not awkwardly.

With a bit of nudging from Terezi, Dave positions himself prone on the bed, head up near you. Your eyes wander down his body, lingering on his rounded ass and the black straps of his last remaining clothing item around his waist and under each buttock.

“What, you’ve never seen an ass this plush this before?” asks Dave, resting his head on the pillow, pretending to be chill as ever as he looks up at you. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Terezi wandering off to rummage through a dresser. “Or you just haven’t seen anyone’s ass before, outside of whatever weird troll porn you watch?”

“Why the fuck would you think I’m looking at your ass?” You can feel the heat rising on your cheeks, but idiot that you are, you blabber on anyway. “I’m not the one who’s interested in cross-species fucking escapades here, and I would rather burn my corneas to a crisp by staring at the literally blinding Alternian sun than I would look at whatever gross, hairy, pasty excuse for a butt you have.”

“Don’t lie to me; you’re totally getting a wriggly tenta-boner staring at my ass. It’s ok, dude; no homo.”

“Tenta-boner? Do you know _anything_ about troll anatomy?”

“Enough, but you’re not the one I want to learn it from.”

“You self-absorbed wad of festering fucking sewage-” His words cut you much deeper than you should let them. You two _kissed_ , more than once, and yet he’s acting like you’re fucking disgusting. You could and would go on and on, but Terezi interrupts you.

“Boys, we’re not letting this take a turn for the caliginous!”

When Terezi closes in a few moments later, she’s down to just a slender, curved teal strap-on and its harness. She gleefully climbs onto the bed, holding a tube of lube and a couple of gloves, and gives you a lascivious smile, which you return with all the grace of a three-legged woolbeast when your face twists into what must be an ugly combination of nervousness and a botched attempt to return the grin.

You pull the sheet around you as you watch Terezi slide over Dave, her tongue running up his spine, all the way to the back of his neck. He shivers visibly and turns his naked face to press it into the pillow.

“Are you being shy, cool kid?” Terezi cackles.

“Nah,” he replies, voice muffled. “I’m just getting better acquainted with this fruity rainbow of flavors on your pillow.”

“Nice try, Dave, but the pillow’s colors do not taste ‘fruity’,” she replies. She licks his neck pointedly again and grips her strap-on. “You’re definitely being shy. Are you sure you’re ready?” You don’t miss the hint of tenderness in her voice.

“I was born ready for an alien dildo to go up my ass,” Dave replies. He shifts his ass a little higher in the air and Terezi pulls back to run her hands along his derriere.

She pulls on a glove and slathers two fingers in lube. Your feel like your nook shouldn't be getting wet as she slides the fingers between his cheeks, beginning to run against the entrance there, but nevertheless your briefs feel surprisingly damp. It’s not quite the same, but you’ve imagined being on all fours with Terezi behind you, fingering your nook and preparing to sink into you with her strap-on.

“Jesus dick, Terezi, that’s _cold_ ,” he breathes, pulling himself up slightly with his elbows, face now a few inches from the pillow. You don’t miss the color on his cheeks.

“Is that a problem?” Terezi doesn’t slow her motions.

“Nah, it’s fine. You just could give a guy a warning in the future.”

“Oops. Don’t worry; it’ll warm up soon.”

While you haven’t fantasized much about anal play, if this is any indication, maybe you should. Dave adjusts his arms, one hand grabbing the pillow, and the other resting beside your knee. You take the hand he’s so unsubtly positioned by you and hold it as you watch Terezi working. She away for a moment to squeeze more lube onto her glove hand, then returns it to between his asscheeks. Judging by the loud gasp from Dave and how he squeezes your hand, she’s now doing more than circling and teasing to press a finger in past the ring of muscle.

“I just told you to warn me, Terezi,” he hisses. “Fuck, that shit’s as cold as the North Pole in the dead of January here. I half-expect a family of polar bears to come busting in holding a six pack of Coca-Cola.”

Terezi shakes her head in exasperation. You only understand half of what just came out of his mouth too so you aren’t surprised when Terezi playfully smacks his butt with her hand.

“Karkat, I need your help,” she tells you. “Dave thinks that he’s clever, and he usually is, but now isn’t the time for this. We need to keep his mouth occupied while I'm doing this.”

You slowly pull the sheet off of yourself, straightening up and wondering what exactly she wants you to do, to have her interrupt with, “Are you still wearing something? I still smell clothing, Karkat. Fix this immediately.”

Obediently, you strip off your last remaining piece of clothing and throw it over the side of the bed. Now naked, you shift closer to Dave, self-conscious and uncertain. Your heart’s pounding, giddy and nervous and feeling stupid all at once, eyes moving between grinning Terezi with her perky, naked chest, and Dave’s flushed face.

“Up near his mouth,” says Terezi. “It’s time we put it to better use, and I certainly wouldn’t want to leave you out.”

 _Oh._ You blush crimson. Dave unhands the pillow and props himself up further, biting his bottom lip in a not-quite-successfully attempt to stifle another gasp. He inhales deeply and looks at you.

“Come on, Vantas,” he says. “You’re not going to pussy out now, are you?”

“Of course I’m not fucking wussing out,” you snap, grabbing the pillow away from him. As you throw it to the ground, masking your nerves in exaggerated hostility, you realize he might be taking a similar tactic. You glare down at him and when he meets your eyes, you swear you can see a subtly burning pitch spark in them.

You awkwardly move to position your crotch by Dave's mouth. You lean back slightly, propping yourself up on your elbows while Dave grabs your thighs. The angle gives you an imperfect view of Terezi on Dave, and gets Dave's face right up against your nook.

“Think you’re ready for more?” asks Terezi. You open your mouth and stop, mentally slapping yourself since clearly it’s a question for Dave. Whether it’s about where his mouth is or where her hands are going, you can’t say.

“Yeah, I can take more,” he replies. Terezi’s arm shifts back, and then slowly inwards again. You can feel Dave’s warm breath against the outside of your nook as he exhales, tilting his head down so much that all you can see is his fine, soft hair. “I really expected one of you two to have a tenta-dick,” he continues, breath hitching only slightly. “Were those just, ah, something you guys came up with to fuck with us? Do they pop out of your vaginas like a trick snake at some point? Am I gonna be surprised with a mouthful of tenta-dick halfway through this?”

“No, you idiot.” You roll your eyes, balancing on one elbow so you can do a half-assed facepalm before returning to your previous position. This isn’t going to be comfortable for too long. “I have a nook, and judging by her equipment, Terezi does too.”

“Yup!” she chimes in.

“Then who does have a bulge?” Dave asks.

“Trolls who have bulges are the ones who have bulges, you numbskull. Why the fuck is this confusing?”

Dave doesn’t say anything to that.

“Dave, there is no relationship between gender and genitals in trolls,” Terezi clarifies.

“What the fuck?” you blurt out. “Wait, that’s a thing with humans?”

“Yes, though there are exceptions in humans too,” Terezi says.

“You coulda told me that sooner,” Dave mutters. He sounds almost… hurt? As you look over his body, down to the straps of the packer garment, then back up to his downturned face, everything snaps into place. You’re not sure what - if anything - you should say, but luckily Terezi spares you the trouble.

“Now that we’ve satisfied your lewd curiosity, I think it’s time you took a less theoretical lesson in troll anatomy.”

“K.”

Dave promptly buries his face in your thigh, planting warm kisses against your skin. For someone who claimed just a few minutes ago that he didn’t want to learn about troll genitalia from you, he sure seems to be taking it in stride. He licks and sucks and nips your skin, offering you the tiniest tingle of pain to accompany the currents of arousal flowing through you. It’s teasing, the way he moves in, inch by tantalizing inch, making soft noises against you at uneven increments, presumably tied to Terezi’s fingers up his ass.

The thought of Terezi only makes you wetter as you look to her. Her body’s as slender as Dave’s, breasts small but perky, waist subtle but just… perfect. She’s perfect, yet she feels so far away. You’re being dumb; you should be enjoying yourself, and fuck, you are, but Terezi isn’t yours, and she’s not even touching you. It hits you that all too soon, this is going to be over, and you’re going to regret wasting time feeling down and pining for her.

You try to focus on Dave again, which is somewhat successful. Thoughts of Terezi’s distance from you linger, but at least they’re not the main thing in your think pan now as you focus on what Dave’s doing with his mouth. He’s still moving too fucking slowly, so you grab his hair with one hand and tug on it gently. You’re not going to force him to hurry up, because you aren’t a complete asswipe, but you can at least share your displeasure with him. When you tighten your grip, he moans. You’re not sure whether it was you or Terezi, so you loosen and then grasp hard again.

“Fuck,” he gasps against you, bitter yet aroused. You’re not sure whether his utterance is masochistic or caliginous, but either way, it’s good.

“Dave, you have such a wonderful ass,” Terezi coos. “It’s being very cooperative.”

“It’s just great like that,” he replies before biting your leg only somewhat gently. You yelp, but they both ignore you.

“I think it’s ready for the Tentacle of Justice. What about you?”

“You fucking named your dildo the ‘Tentacle of Justice’?!” you exclaim.

“I can’t tell if that’s ironic or just fucking terrible,” says Dave, releasing your thigh to reply to her.

“Ironic, and perfect,” she declares, moving her hand to grip said dildo. “But I believe you were ordered to be silent, weren’t you?”

“And now you punish me by sticking Tentacle of Justice up my ass?”

“Any last words?”

If Dave had any - which he probably did, because when the hell doesn’t he have something snarky to respond with - they’re lost as Terezi thrusts her hips forward, driving his mouth right up against the crook between your thigh and your nook. All he gets out is a muffled cry, giving you a bit of schadenfreude. His cool kid status is now officially stripped away, and he has nothing left to be cocky about. It’s hard to believe that an hour ago, he was the one making you embarrassed. Though then again, Terezi has both of you under her thumb like a couple of wriggling grubs, and is doing an excellent job pounding you into fresh grubsauce.

It takes Dave a moment to recover, but when he does, he moves his head to the left slightly to finally press his lips against the folds of your nook. You try to not groan and fail spectacularly when he flicks out his tongue and brushes it against the tiny tidbit of vestigial bulge tissue right up where your folds meet. He digs his fingers into your thighs as he moves his tongue down, exploring every detail and crevice of your most intimate spot.

Your elbows are starting to hurt, so you push yourself up onto your hands. Why are you starting to get really uncomfortable _now_ , when Dave’s finally licking you?

“Terezi,” you gasp, “Can you, fuck, scoot back?”

“Hmm? Oh, sure.” She places both hands on Dave’s waist (the glove gone, probably tossed aside somewhere) and pulls him with her as she moves almost to the edge of the bed, her feet now hanging off the other end. It’s still not quite enough room for you to lie down, so you grab Dave’s hands and turn him with you as you adjust your angle, placing your head on the pillow on one corner of the bed. Between you and Terezi, you get the human straightened out - and he remarkably doesn’t stop eating you out the whole time, fucking liar who said he didn’t want to be up in your junk - and all three of you in a diagonal across the bed. Why are threesome logistics so difficult?

Once you’re all positioned properly, Terezi keeps one hand on Dave’s waist and moves the other down to fondle him through the packer - or fondle the packer itself; you can’t really tell. Now in a more stable position, Dave starts to use his tongue in earnest, pressing it slightly inside of you and forcing more than one indignant, pleased noise from you. Your entire body feels tight with arousal now, and the hand not in his hair you rest on your stomach, sorely tempted to move it lower so you can touch your nub while he continues to thrust in and out of you. It feels so good but it’s not _enough_ , and you wildly wish he had his fingers in you too. You’re greedy and ridiculous because nothing’s ever _enough_ , nothing was ever _enough_ with Terezi which is why you started sending her black signals too and fucked the whole thing over, and now you have both of them in bed and you’re still fucking complaining. What the fuck is even wrong with you?

Dave makes a long, drawn-out groan against your nook as Terezi thrusts her hips forcefully, and you echo it, though yours is muffled by nothing, which makes it sound all the more shameless. Without thinking much more than _fuck it_ , your hand slips down lower and you bump the bridge of Dave’s nose as your fingers find your proto-bulge. If Dave has an objection, he shows no sign of it; if anything, he seems to take this as a sign to get down to fucking business, and his motions become more methodical.

You circle your nub with two fingers, massaging yourself the best you can without hitting that sensitive spot too hard. Of course, with Dave’s mouth still in the way and your sloppy state of arousal, your efforts aren’t perfect, and you shudder more than once when you accidentally run your fingers right over it. Each time it feels amazing but just too _intense_ , and expletives slip past your lips as you try to regain the right rhythm of your motions.

From the looks of it, Terezi’s breathing heavily too, her tongue visible between parted lips as she fucks Dave. She’s moving quickly now, so you can only assume he’s fully acclimated to her. Well, as fully as he can, since his noises are so frequent he may as well just be humming against you.

Suddenly, you hear a buzzing noise. It jolts you out of your steady trek towards orgasm as Dave’s voice jumps a fucking octave and his previously steady motions turn erratic. You look around in surprise, trying to figure out where the hell it’s coming from, only to see Terezi starting to laugh. That’s her _strap-on_ that’s buzzing, probably vibrating inside of Dave’s ass, and damn, he apparently loves it. He sounds positively pathetic now, whimpering into your nook as he shakily tries to tongue-fuck you. Once again, you feel a rush of delight in him falling apart, and it pushes you closer towards the brink as you touch yourself furiously.

It doesn’t take much longer. Even with Dave’s work now reduced to uneven licks and long moans that practically reverberate within you, that combined with watching Terezi fuck him and knowing that Dave is falling apart, led by your years-practiced skills with your fingers, gets you there. Your legs tense and you arch your back as orgasm hits you like an army of drones, making you shout and shake and twist your hand in Dave’s hair as genetic material spills out of you.

“Sorry,” you manage to breath out, releasing his hair and feeling guilty even before the climax died off. Dave shakes his head a bit but seems to be ok and doesn’t pull back, even though he’s got to be half-covered in your cum now. You sink back against the mattress, your nook now feeling particularly tender with even the slightest movement of his tongue. It feels good, if a little powerful, as you start to come down. Your taint feels unpleasantly sticky, but once again, you scold your inane think pan for having such utterly useless complaints. Can’t you be happy about anything?

Once your body no longer feels too stiff to move, you push yourself up onto your elbows to get a better look. Terezi is working her hand doing something to Dave’s packer while she continues to press inside of him. His knees are wider apart now as he slowly sinks towards the mattress. Tirelessly, he licks you in between his now-crescendoing noises, and you wonder if he’s close to coming. The possibility hits you with a new spark of desire, and you reach down to touch yourself again. Why the fuck not, at this point?

Suddenly, Dave’s fingernails dig into your thighs painfully and his tongue retracts from you. He cries out right against your nook, his entire body visibly shaking. If human orgasms are anything like troll ones, he just came, he’s orgasming with his hot mouth on your nook and sending ripples of pleasure through your body from the vibrations of his noises and the beauty of how he has come undone. It takes you only moments to get your second climax, pure ecstasy coursing through your veins as Dave slumps into your crotch, trying vainly to regain his breath. The peak is sharper and faster this time, and you reach out to gingerly pet Dave’s hair as it floods back out of you as quickly as it came.

Terezi pulls out and Dave fully sinks against the bed. She hops off the bed, scooping up the glove and lubricant, and heads back over to her dresser. You reach down and pull at Dave’s armpits. It’s not an ideal angle, but he figures out what you want and shifts up so that he collapses onto you, his red-stained chin smearing cum all up your abdomen until he rests his face on your chest. His arms wrap around you as best they can, and his fingers seem almost loving the way they touch your shoulders.

“Thank you,” you whisper, not sure if you’re thanking him for the cunnilingus or for the cuddling right now, which feels just as intimate in its own way. The silky material of his lower garment is pressed against your leg, and you can feel a bulge-like length and possibly something akin to shame globes within. You run a hand down his still-clothed back and rest it on his waist, right where the shirt meets the packer strap.

You’ve almost completely forgotten Terezi when a couple of minutes later she rejoins you on the bed, now without her strap-on and other supplies. That alone makes you feel a bit strange. Are you really so attracted to Dave that his presence eclipsed hers, even if only for a hazy, post-orgasmic minute or two?

“Did you enjoy yourselves?” she asks as she lies down beside you, placing an arm over Dave, hand dangling down to lightly stroke your arm.

“No, that was fucking miserable,” you reply with exhausted sarcasm. Terezi just smiles before leaning in to press a kiss against Dave’s cheek.

“It was pretty alright,” he says, deadpan back in action.

“Just alright? We have multiple witnesses who can attest to the nature and intensity of noises you were producing throughout this experience,” she teases.

“Maybe I was just playing it up to please a certain crazy troll lady.” You catch something darker sneaking into Dave’s voice. Your grip around him tightens, and you feel your blood pusher quickening slightly. Something feels off, but you’re probably just imagining it. “How was it for you?”

“I’m not the one being questioned here,” says Terezi with a sharp grin. “But,” she adds conspiratorially, “off the record I enjoyed myself quite a lot too. It was pretty excellent.”

“Excellent enough that you’ll give up your caliginous clown fucking for it?”

Your blood runs cold in your veins as you see Terezi’s eyebrows plummet and her grin pull into an uncharacteristically severe, unyielding line. The Gamzee issue was the whole point of this conversation, but to bring it up now, like this…

You can’t see Dave’s expression, but you feel his grip on you tighten as Terezi pulls away and sits up.

“Was that part of your master plan, Dave?” she says, voice eerily cold. You’ve heard her exasperated and annoyed before, but never like this. “You can’t accept my autonomy, so you went along with this in hopes that your mad skills in bed would change my mind?”

“I do accept your autonomy,” he says, wiping his cum-covered mouth off with the back of his hand. He pushes himself up onto his hands, and you see his expression is as flat as his voice. “I accept that you’re making a stupid fucking decision.” He stares at your chest as he speaks, not turning to face her. “Just fucking forget I said anything about it, alright?”

“I think you should put some clothes back on and leave.”

Dave climbs off of you and hops off the bed; you scramble after him without even thinking about it. The way she’s slightly shaking her head, eyebrows furrowed and mouth harsh, there’s little doubt that she was referring to you too. You didn’t even _say_ anything, it was Dave who had to open his mouth at the wrong time again, but you were the one who started this whole fucking thing anyway so really the blame comes back to you.

 _This is all my fault_ , you think over and over again as you hurriedly don your clothing, not looking either of them in the eyes. You wince as you pull your underwear up over your still-damp thighs and crotch, and catch a glimpse of Dave angrily wiping his face off with his undershirt. It’s not perfect, and there’s still subtle smears of red on his chin even after he moves on. Terezi’s just sitting there, and you feel horribly empty except for the pounding of your heart in your ears. Clothing himself much more efficiently than you, Dave heads towards the door when you’re in the process of putting on your pants, so you recklessly grab your socks and shoes and run after him, your fly still open.

The sound of the automatic door slamming behind you makes you cringe, and you follow Dave down the hallway. He doesn’t look back, or offer you any acknowledgement of your presence. How is it that two minutes ago he was in your arms, and now it’s turned into this?

“You should probably stop and put your shoes on,” he says, not stopping nor even glancing at you. His voice is more than cool; it’s hollow.

“I can fucking make my own wardrobe decisions,” you snap.

“Then go on and keep making the wrong one.”

Seething, you stop and drop your shoes to the ground, reaching up to refasten your pants. Dave keeps on walking, and you realize he wants you gone. He doesn’t want to be around you; he can’t stand to look at you. He must blame _you_ for all this. Your bumbling attempt at intervening in Terezi’s love life landed all three of you in bed together - and ended it just as abruptly. He said it, but he wouldn’t have been thinking it if it wasn’t for you. None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for you.

You sink to the floor, tears brimming in your eyes as you angrily grab a sock and start to force your foot into it. You’re a fucking mess; you’re a disaster. They both hate you now, they must, and worse, you can’t deny your feelings for Dave any more. Judging by his reactions, if you had played your cards right, you would have had a chance with him, and you destroyed that in a record amount of time too.

You’re a complete failure at relationships. You’re a failure at everything. The second sock rips as you claw at it too angrily, and it’s so stupid but that pushes you over the edge. Tears start to run down your cheeks, and you grab your knees and hug them in tight, burying your face in your legs. Dave was right; Terezi’s relationship with Gamzee was none of your business and now you’ve ruined your only two remaining friendships trying to stick your nose in where it didn’t belong. You hate yourself.


End file.
